Crack House
November 2003
In 2003, Alex decided to take a Machiavellian approach to modern rock music. He took his hearty, straightforward Beatles-pop songs and tempered them with fuzzed out guitars and booming drums. So basically, it's a Weezer album – Arrowsmith style. It plays like a greatest hits album, only it is suspiciously consistent in ways that Bruce Springsteen's Greatest Hits is not. The time-honored 12-song attack leaves no survivors on the battlefield of rock/pop music. It doesn't take a sleep-deprived border collie to realize that this is the Universe's response to the trilobyte. Is it possible that this IS the Great American Pop Album? Yes.
Track Listing
(click titles for lyrics)
1. Time Travel
2. Found The Hound
3. Dinosaur
4. Cast My Shadow
5. She Turns The Screws
6. Put On A Show
7. Modern Man
8. Banana Seat
9. She's A Magnet
10. I Had An Idea
11. Soldier Down
12. No Tomorrow
Time Travel
Hurry up you're late
We gotta get to space
And find a warm place
On the Moon's cold face
Now I'll always see you by moonlight
But it takes so long
To fly and move along
And it takes so long
To time travel when you're old
Farther out in space
There is a cool place
But we'll never melt
On Orion's jeweled belt
Now I'll always see you by starlight
But it takes so long
To fly and move along
And it takes so long
To time travel when you're old
Now it's not as hard
In my own back yard
We don't need machines
For Chinese teas
Now I'll always see you by sunlight
Found The Hound
Act the part if you got heart
There's no action or stunts around
Make me lunch, rake the yard
It ain't that hard
But we're feeling a little like holy rollers
I'm back
I found the hound
I found the hound doing rounds
Entertain the mayor's son
Get down with Napoleon
No cookies for your pets
You gotta leave room for the best
Lest we feel a little like holy rollers
I'm back
I found the hound
I found the hound doing rounds
Dinosaur
If you were a dinosaur would you be a brontosaurus?
Would you be friendly and always be eating healthy?
Maybe you're not one to be intellectual, philosophical or sentimental
But if you listen to your guru, that's good enough for this world
If I were a dinosaur, I would be a pterodactyl
With a tuxedo
Always on my way to a formal luncheon
Now if you imagine that
You can think of anything to pull from your ass
At anytime, anywhere
For all the long-hairs
If you think I'm not willing and able
I can bring anything to the table
I can bring Cribbage, Uno, or D&D
I can bring all the love you could want from me
I'm a dinosaur
I'm a dinosaur dancing
You gotta rip it up from the rafters
You gotta wanna be a raptor
You wanna be a paleontologist?
You wanna be something different?
Cast My Shadow
Oh I need sunglasses
A solar powered car
To keep the photons minimal
She's oxygen
She's hydrogen
She's ultraviolet
You should know that you cast my shadow
Oh I need a total eclipse
All I wanna see is her corona
She's a product of the Big Bang
My light source
My energy
My solar wind
You should know that you cast my shadow
Relatively speaking, it's not hard at all
To hide from the Moon
But everything I do is weather-dependent
Some day she'll expand
Engulf the Earth
Like a whiffle ball
You should know that you cast my shadow
She Turns The Screws
When she makes science fun
She turns the screws
When she's a dirty thief
She turns the screws
When she goes jangle pop
She turns the screws
When she goes all-out goth
She turns the screws
I don't mean it when I say that it's done
She doesn't mean it when she says that it's lumber
They're not lying when they say that I'm dumber
She turns the screws
And I play the blues
She turns the screws
And I watch the view
When she bends the spoon
She turns the screws
When she serves the ball
She turns the screws
When she writes the rules
She turns the screws
When she's in love with bunnies
She turns the screws
I don't mean it when I say that it's done
She doesn't mean it when she says that it's lumber
They're not lying when they say that I'm dumber
She turns the screws.
Put On A Show
Everyone's sick of working
So now we're waiting
And I'm brought down to my knees
Locked up with half a key
But then there's Chai Tea Disease
A way to pass the time
But sloth is a crime
When you haven't seen a dime
Playing in a cafe or a coffee place
Hoping they think it's a freak out too
There ain't nowhere to go
So let's put on a show
See the other bands
The suburban superstars
They draw all the chicks from the sticks in
Now that's indie rock
The local indie rock scene
Or maybe it's a punk scene or a folk scene
Maybe I should sell my guitar for job
But I don't know, it just goes to show
And hump a guitar
Hump a guitar
You got your act down?
You got your chops now?
Now I'm making like it's 1993
Wanna be a guitar when I'm 23
Now half a life later I'm a rock and roll traitor
I'd like to quit and become a waiter
But I'm not gonna cheat so check out my drum beat
We borrowed a drum set from our friend's dad
And hump a guitar
Hump a guitar
You got your act down?
You got your chops now?
And when you solo
Do you go low?
There ain't nowhere to go
So let's put on a show.
Modern Man
Preying on the people of Atlantis
Learning how to censor in Modesto
They don't like the way we do the dances
Girls only give so many chances
Swim the sea with me
This iron hand will rid the land
Of all modern man
Lying on the beach in California
Fighting back the waves in sunny Florida
Hydraulic engineering for survival
Aliens don't care for this revival
Swim the sea with me
Use your hands to rid the land
Of all modern man
This is modern man
This is modern man
We love modern man
Preying on the people of Atlantis
Learning how to censor in Tacoma
They don't like the way we do the dances
Girls only give so many chances
Swim the sea with me
These hungry teeth will rid the land
Of all modern man
Nothing goes as planned
Two birds in the hand
Banana Seat
When I'm on my banana seat
I give a wink and nod to the ladies
When I'm on my banana seat
I fasten a gat to the handle bars
I've got a horn too
I'm gonna honk at you
I'm gonna honk at you
I'm gonna wrong you
When I'm on...
(My banana seat)
When I'm on my banana seat
I say "hop on!" to all the ladies
When I'm on my banana seat
I'm gonna nail you to the street
I've got a horn too
I'm gonna honk at you
I've got a horn too
I'm gonna wrong you
She's A Magnet
It's a boy!
No it's a girl I think
That long-hair's in my way
I'm gonna phase her out
Machete Kevin
Rigorous Investigation
Someday I know I'll be the name of the station
The pull, I see now
She's a magnet
She's a magnet
She's a magnet
She watches Dragnet
Just like Jesus
Holy roller fare
I don't want to agree
I don't want her to see
I dream of aliens and first contact
When I wake up I see they're just tubes of glass
Excuse me please
You know you sting like bees
And you know you'll bee what I want to bee
I read your horrorscope every day
So why is it that I'm still afraid?
Only with me
Only with me
She's a magnet
She's a magnet
She watches Dragnet
I Had An Idea
Too much heat on Sherman Street
Back to back or who is who
The waves moved till I could not move
But then I had an idea
From shore to shore I walk the coursev
More and more I count the doors
I laugh until I cannot movev
But then I have an idea
Shit, I'm shocked
Let's talk, I'm locked
Minimum wage
I'm still a waste
I cannot move until you make a move
Too much heat on Sherman Street
Walk there and back by bike or car
The moon's dark side was facing me
And then I had an idea
From coast to coast I think I'm toast
Roasted, toasted, burnt the most
I move until I cannot move
But then I have an idea
Soldier Down
I won't die too soon
Wanna be in my platoon?
Soldier down
I wanna know the score
And form opinions on war
Soldier down
I can talk like I'm there
Talking trench warfare
Soldier down
I can't find the cure
But I can sloganeer
Soldier down
I heard the seven-inch
At a red block party down in the ditch
And I remember it must have been great
To fight and hallucinate
Hey
I know bit by bit by bit
What it's like out there in the jungle shit
Soldier down
Man I can taste it through and through
Just like it do
Watching Gulf War One and Two
Soldier down
I heard the seven-inch
At a red block party down in the ditch
And I remember it must have been great
To fight and hallucinate
Hey
No Tomorrow
No no no no no tomorrow
You will wake up bright and early
You will wake up bright and dirty
She's waiting for you to ask her
Don't you think you gotta say the words
Hanging on every letter you spout out
Wishing for a hint or a creation
Oh how I wish that this was false
I live on knowing that there's...
No no no no no tomorrow
They say I've got to keep Mariah
They say I've got to keep my Wanda
Don't think I can keep my guts
They wait for me to kick some ass
Smiles are the best incentive
She smiles but I can't feel the words
Oh how I wish that this was false
I live on knowing that there's...
No no no no no tomorrow
Smiles are the best incentive
She smiles but I can't feel the words
Oh how I wish that this was false
I live on knowing that there's...
No no no no no tomorrow